All on a Sunday Morning
by eprime
Summary: Post-Hogwarts. Remus contemplates toast and his insane flatmates.   Remus/Sirius, Remus/Toast


Remus was sitting with his cup of tea and a plate of well-buttered toast soldiers when he heard unusual sounds coming from the sitting room of the flat. They were unusual in that it was only eleven a.m. on a Sunday morning, and none of his three roommates _ever_ managed to drag themselves out of their respective beds before one on a weekend. Maybe James had an early date with Lily or Peter had woken up to that dream about the giant rat trap baited with his favorite limburger cheese that he sometimes got when he drank too much the night before.

The thought of limburger this early in the day made Remus shudder. Sounds forgotten, he took a soothing sip of tea and turned to the advice column of the _Prophet_. It was always good for a laugh.

He was just feeling superior over "Pining in Piddle Brook's" relationship woes when the sounds from the other room started in louder. This time he could hear furtive whispering and then much more deliberate sounding footfalls. Whoever it was collapsed heavily onto the sofa with an enormous sigh. A second fwump followed. Unconcerned, Remus munched contentedly on a soldier and began to read about some poor sod in Bishops Itchington.

Two exasperated huffs sounded from the sitting room, and Remus' eyebrows lifted into his low hanging fringe. He was almost mildly curious now, but he couldn't really be arsed to go see. He liked to eat his toast when it was still nice and crisp and, well, toasty, just when the butter had gone all soft and melted into the surface of his bread, but before it got too saturated and made the bottom all soggy and-

"James!"

Sirius' voice sounded strange, low and husky. Remus wondered if he was coming down with a cold. Perhaps he should offer him some tea. He sighed, shoved another strip of toast into his mouth, and got up to set about heating more hot water.

"Oh, Sirius!"

James' voice sounded just as odd. He hoped they weren't planning something stupid again. His toothbrush bristles still occasionally turned into tiny tentacles and it was disconcerting to see them waving up at him in the morning. Shrugging, Remus stretched, popping his spine in satisfying cracks, then grabbed his cup of tea. Toast still dangling from his teeth he wandered into the other room.

James and Sirius were entwined on the sofa, both still wearing only the boxers they both favored for night wear. They were snogging quite heavily, their hands moving over each other's back and shoulders in constant, exaggerated motion. Remus started when they both let out loud moans.

"Shit," he gasped, as hot tea sloshed onto his knuckles. His poor toast soldier fell to the floor.

"Remus!"

James jerked away with a gasp as Sirius fell back against the arm of the sofa in dramatic display.

"We didn't hear you come in!"

"Was in the kitchen." He stared down at his toast sadly.

"So, er-" James blinked rapidly. "This isn't what you think."

"I think you and Sirius were snogging."

"Well, yes. Er-what do you think about that?" He and Sirius watched Remus expectantly.

"Won't Lily be a bit cheesed off?"

James frowned, Sirius jumped up and glared at Remus, arms akimbo.

"Is that all you have to say?"

Remus blinked and scratched his nose.

"Do you want some tea? I put on the water."

The teapot started whistling in confirmation, and Remus shuffled back in the kitchen to remove it from the flame. He could hear snatches of conversation behind.

"-don't believe him-"

"Maybe he's not quite-"

"Lily _better_ not-"

"Maybe Peter is-"

"_Peter_!"

It sounded like Sirius' fist connected with something solid.

"Fuck! _Ow_! You think he'd-"

"Calm down!"

"-over _me_?"

"-stocky types?"

Remus took down two cups from the cupboard and set them on the table.

"Oi! Wormtail!" Sirius bellowed. "Get the fuck up and get out here right now!"

Remus raised his eyebrows again as he grabbed another cup and set out the sugar and milk.

"Tea's ready," he called. James came in and took his regular chair. Remus sat beside him.

"Where's Sirius?"

"Taking a piss." James eyed the remaining toast on Remus' plate. "Can I have that?"

"No."

James took a slice and crammed it in his mouth, eyes flicking to the open doorway.

"Do I want to ask-"

"Morning, lovelies!" Sirius sang as he sauntered into the kitchen and threw himself into his chair. Without asking, he took a toast soldier off of Remus' plate and marched it to his mouth, drumming a cheery beat onto the formica tabletop.

Peter shuffled in a moment later looking bleary and rumpled, pajama bottoms hung low on his hips. Sirius and James turned their eyes toward Remus and stared.

"Mornin'," Peter grumbled, scratching his belly and yawning. "What's up, Remus? Sirius said you needed to talk to me."

Sirius thunked his head against the table and groaned.

"Peter, you duffer. That is _not_ what I said."

"Yes, you did! Woke me up out of a brilliant dream, too."

"Does someone want to tell me what is going on?"

"Yes, _I'd_ like to know, too," Peter said with a bitchy flounce into the remaining chair. Remus made a protective move toward his plate, but Peter was faster and Remus mourned his last soldier as it disappeared into Peter's enthusiastically chewing mouth.

"So, Remus," James broke in. "Pete's looking pretty good these days, yeah?"

Sirius snorted loudly and crossed his arms over his chest, slouching down in his seat with a sulky pout. Remus stared at James a moment, then looked over at Peter, taking in the waffled red pattern on his right cheek that came from the knitted pillow cover Peter's mum had given him as a flat-warming gift, the unholy tangle of tow-colored hair, and the way the crumbs from the toast (Remus's toast) were falling and collecting in the light trail of hairs underneath Peter's navel. A perplexed frown drew his brows together.

"Ha!" Sirius crowed. "I told you so, Prongs."

"He still doesn't fancy you either." James glared. "And I can't _believe_ I snogged you for nothing!" He made a moue of distaste and scrubbed at his mouth violently.

Sirius choked in outrage. "Tosser! It was the best snog of your life and you know it!"

"That's what you got me out of bed for?" Peter was indignant. "Your stupid crush on Remus?"

"Shut it, Pettigrew! Or I'll transfigure your bed into a giant rattrap and lock you in it until next week!"

Peter reeled back.

"You promised never to bring that up! You _know_ I'm sensitive. My dreams-"

"Sod your dreams!"

"Quit picking on Pete, you prat!"

"Why don't you make me, Potter!"

James lunged across the table at Sirius while Peter cheered him on. The two boys rolled off and tumbled to the floor in a tangle of flailing limbs and scratching nails.

"Why don't you go back to your room and write Moony some poetry, Miss Black," James taunted.

"You-you-"

Sirius went purple with rage and scissored his legs around James' middle, squeezing tightly.

"Or...or...should I say...Mrs. Lupin..." James gasped pathetically, trying to buck Sirius off. Sirius' howl made the window panes rattle.

Remus got up quietly and left the room. Nobody noticed.

Several minutes later Remus returned to find them all back at the table. James' nose was bleeding and he took petulant swipes at it with a napkin, glaring at Sirius the whole time. Sirius, with the beginning bloom of what would be a spectacular black eye, glared back. And Peter had somehow produced a plate holding a pile of lovely golden toast. He was slathering a thick layer of marmalade onto a slice. Remus stared longingly.

"Any hot water left?" Remus asked, not feeling very hopeful at all. Sirius jerked up and stared at Remus guiltily.

"Plenty on the stove."

Peter waved his hand magnanimously at the toast.

"Help yourself."

Remus brightened. Now that he thought about it, Peter _wasn't_ looking too bad these days.

"Remus?"

Sirius' voice sounded small and uncertain. In other words, completely unlike him. Remus looked at him and just as Sirius opened his mouth to say something Lily walked in.

"Lily!" James cried. He leapt out of his seat and promptly tripped in his eagerness to reach her.

"Good morning, James. Sirius. Peter."

Lily smiled at them pleasantly, but it grew wider and more wicked as Remus turned to her.

"Good _morning_, Remus," she purred as Remus pulled her against him and proceeded to give her a thorough and very satisfactory snog.

Shocked gasps filled the kitchen.

"_Lily_!" James' strangled voice had risen an impressive two octaves.

Pulling away, but leaving his arm wound 'round Lily's waist, Remus looked over.

"That was for kissing my boyfriend."

James, Sirius, and Peter gaped. Remus gave Lily a peck on the cheek before rounding the table and pulling a gobsmacked Sirius up by the wrist. He followed Remus, unprotesting and silent, out of the room.

Bypassing the sitting room, Remus tugged Sirius down the hall and into Remus' own room. Without preamble he shoved Sirius down onto the bed and straddled him.

"So you fancy me, then?"

Sirius stared up at him wide eyed. He nodded.

"You sure about that? Not harboring an illicit crush on old Prongs there, after all?"

Sirius shook his head furiously then stilled, his expression going confused and silly around the edges and making Remus want to laugh.

"Wait! I mean, yes, I'm sure, and no, I'm not!"

"Well." Remus grinned. "Go on then."

A beat. Then Sirius surged up and wound himself around Remus tight as a limpet, pulling him down to the bed and attacking every inch of reachable, visible skin with kisses. Remus giggled and squirmed in pleasure as Sirius' raspy chin scraped over his neck and collarbone.

Then he was flipped onto his back and Sirius was dragging his chin down the middle of Remus' chest and belly to hear him giggle again. He teased across his sides and the hollows of his hips, tickling fingers following the rough glide of early morning stubble, making Remus writhe and gasp and laugh delightedly.

Then his pajamas were being tugged down lower and Sirius' tongue was doing the teasing and Remus wasn't laughing anymore. He wound his hands through Sirius's hair making little 'hnghing' sounds deep in the back of his throat as Sirius sucked and licked him until Remus' eyes were rolling back in his head and his hips were arching into the air.

"So," Sirius murmured as he crawled back up Remus' body. "Am I a good boyfriend?"

The blissful smile that spread across Remus' face was answer enough, but he opened his eyes and they flickered with a mischievous gleam.

"Hm. You haven't even kissed me yet," Remus pointed out.

Sirius cleared his throat meaningfully and arched one brow.

"On the mouth," Remus clarified.

"Right."

And Sirius happily proceeded, for the second time that morning, to snog the living daylights out of someone. Only this time he meant it.


End file.
